Enlightenment at its finest...
You know how the Universe started with a Big Bang?
This “Big Bang” brings forth the vision of condensed elements and massive meteors hurtling through space at such a speed that it destroys everything in its path. After about 1 billion years the development of the universe creates the perfect balance of stars and planets, and finally settles into the rhythm of our solar system.
This feeling of utter chaos and the breakdown of everything as you know it, followed by the creation of something beautiful and irreplaceable; this is parenting in a nutshell.
Once upon a time, there was a genius meme on a social media platform. The image of a buddhist monk holding up a sign. The caption on the top read:
“Monk, how do I learn to be more enlightened in this lifetime?”
The sign in the monks hand read “Have children”
Just in case you were wondering WHY having children would bring you closer to enlightenment:
It begins with Pregnancy
The image of a couple holding each other, tears in their eyes, looking at a positive pregnancy test together, is one that the media loves to embrace. This gets you all warm and fuzzy inside, as you watch on the sidelines, silently witnessing all their dreams come true.
REALITY: That positive pregnancy test rarely comes at the right time.
Those couples that sit down to make a plan and time a baby perfectly into their lives in between career shifts, struggle to get pregnant. They offer themselves a window of opportunity, check temperatures and ovulation times, plan sex according to this window and it should all work out perfectly according to science, right? Wrong.
Alternatively there are those parents-to-be who decide that yes, one day they want children but have no immediate plan because the time is just not right. Suddenly, as they treat themselves to a fancy date night dinner - she vomits on the floor.
When that double line shows up on the stick, its met with fear, excitement, and the stark reality that its NOT the perfect time. Parents commit to making it work…somehow.
This is the first stage of parenting and the realization that spiritual growth begins with stripping away ALL of your expectations.
Then comes Labour
The black and white image is majestic: The mother-to-be is doing great, controlling her breathe with each contraction, the look of concentration evident as she works through her pain. There is barely a ripple in the birthing tub that is placed in the middle of her loving home, as she embraces her newborn for the first time.
REALITY: There are no words to describe this accurately.
For those expecting pain, they deliver effortlessly on the way to the hospital, baby slipping out all too soon while everyone is screaming NOT to push.
For those with a detailed labour plan — you can cross everything off that list one item at a time. May as well do it now, while you can still process this.
I personally wanted a water birth. Warm water seemed the most natural transition from the comforts of the womb to that first intake of air, and all of the complications that life brings with it.
My vision of being lovingly guided by a midwife who brings my newborn to my breast, was a harsh contrast to what actually happened. I ended up with an old and tired substitute for my midwife, who thought I was being a great big suck through my natural labour - until my 11 pound baby’s head crowned sideways, after 27 hours of labour.
I was 5'2" and 120 pounds so I will just leave that image there…
Introduce Toddler
“My kid will never do that”
REALITY: Yes. They. Will.
This is one of parent’s favourite phrases to hear from non-parents. The silent laughter combined with the respect and love for your innocence, we hide in the little smirk that slightly curls our lip upward.
That kid in the grocery store who is screaming bloody murder because his mother ripped the $5 trinket out of his hand and put it back on the shelf, is NOT spoiled. The fact that he is crying actually is EVIDENCE of this.
Yes, your kid is going to do this.
Actually, they are going to do this so much that you stop going out as much. Restaurants are just not worth it anymore once you pick your fork up off the floor for the 100th time (and use it anyway) and apologize to the neighbouring table for the rice flung at their heads.
Just when you give it all up and decide you will never go out in public again, they grow up a little and learn to keep their spaghetti in at least a 10 foot radius.
Now, your little person has an opinion? WHAT?
Ahhhh, the development of the ego. Around 4 years old they are less toddler, and more a little human being.
You know those people you see on the internet who are EXTREMELY opinionated and illicit arguments on every little topic? They drown the argument into so many facets of tiny little details that you end up just giving up and agreeing anyway, so that you no longer have to engage in the argument at hand?
Now take THAT person, erase ALL logic and foundational knowledge, and you have a glimpse into raising a brand new ego.
Now take everything you are attached to in the physical world…and destroy it
For me, it was my faery collection. Looking back, I felt that these perfect little porcelain figurines were the physical representation of my persona. The higher they went up on my shelves, the more revered they were by little hands wanting to tear them apart, so they could find out why mommy’s attention goes here.
Eventually I handed mine over with a sigh and watched as the wings got ripped off, arms went missing, and eventually the millions of little pieces on the floor representing my relief of not having to say “no” anymore.
For those thinking of venturing into parenting: I recommend starting by practicing meditation in a bull ring…and not with just one bull either
In the book “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert, there is an excerpt where she is attempting to meditate in the gardens and is struggling to still her mind from the distraction of everything around her, such as the breathing of her neighbours, and the mosquitos. She overcomes this, and finds herself experiencing a sensation described as the much sought after ‘Nirvana’.
Amazing.
She finds herself so entranced that she is completely unaware of being eaten alive by a swarm of bugs. Now THAT is letting go.
Despite her self proclaimed practise into this enlightened state of being, I would bet a million dollars that she couldn’t replicate this until about the 8th year of life of her own child if she was a parent.
Even with a child at 8 years old, I would be surprised if she was able to reach Nirvana…unless she taught her mind to go elsewhere while her body screamed “GET YOUR HANDS OFF YOUR BROTHERS NECK RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD YOU WILL NEVER SEE ANOTHER VIDEO GAME EVER IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!”
Through this marathon of no sleep, endless aggravations, and the destruction of all we once were, we find a love and peace that our former lives couldn’t even dream of
There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING in the entire universe better than cuddling up to your sleeping little angel (Yes these feelings of love and peace happen way more often when they are unconscious).
Actually I lie: the one thing better than this feeling of peace, is the joy that emanates from your heart when you hear your children’s laughter ring through the house.
The feelings of love and protection that these little beings create in your new life, can make time stand still AND go too fast in the same moment.
We are destroyed and reborn as stronger and more compassionate human beings, almost daily.
As it turns out, through birth it is US who are reborn.
Tina Simpson is the owner of Twisted Oak Holistic Health and is a Deep Tissue Massage and Reiki practitioner on Salt Spring Island, BC.
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